


A Collection of Small Drabbles Involving Musicals

by bunnymatsu



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Christmas, Depression, Drabble Collection, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Musicals, Other, Recovery, Short & Sweet, Sleepy Cuddles, Will update tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 03:23:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16736166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnymatsu/pseuds/bunnymatsu
Summary: Exactly as the title states.





	A Collection of Small Drabbles Involving Musicals

Connor was sixteen. He was in sophomore year of high school, and it was Christmas break. December 24th, Christmas eve, to be exact. The house was decorated and warm feeling, a soft light from the window shining through and a gingerbread scented candle making the house even smell like holidays. Connor felt like time stopped just when he'd stand in the living room. There was peace. His parents and Zoe were out of the house, so it was a rare moment of quiet that he enjoyed to no end. Christmas was a day away, and Connor felt so guilty. The reason he was home alone? His family had gone to a Christmas party while he pretended to be sick. Now he felt like he was actually sick. 

He could remember the times when Christmas would always put a smile on his face. No matter how angry or frustrated he was as a child, the time of the holidays would always spin back around, and the snow, sweaters, carols, gifts, treats, and love would always bring a smile to his face. He enjoyed the Christmas parties and always had fun running around with the cousins who were around his age, or even Zoe. Until now. Now he felt like getting out of bed was a task too big to face, and so was smiling. He couldn't remember the last real smile he'd had. Looking around that warmly decorated Christmas living room, a feeling of painful nostalgia and memories thumped in his chest. Silent tears spilled from his eyes when he looked at all those smiling family portraits that he'd missed. He loved his family. He loved Christmas. Why wasn't any of it fun anymore? Why, why, why? Why couldn't he stop being a fucking freak long enough to feel something other than sadness on Christmas? This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He was supposed to enjoy parties, enjoy the time with people he used to love so much. 

He trudged silently back down the hall and to his room, getting back in the bed he hardly ever left. Maybe things wouldn't ever get better.

Two years later, and Connor is eighteen, and it's his senior year of high school. Home alone again, skipping the Christmas parties like he'd been doing for the past few years. Nothing else felt normal anymore. He was numb, and now even the guilt of missing the holidays wouldn't get to him. Maybe, maybe he could push through the next few days. But he didn't want to do any of it. He wanted to stop living.

Hopeless, he thought.

Skip eight years, now Connor is twenty six, and married. Married to Evan Hansen, of all people. Evan, who was always sweet to him no matter what he did. Evan, who visited him in the hospital. Evan, who encouraged him to try medication, and ultimately be able to feel genuine happiness again. 

Connor was cuddled up with Evan, his husband's back against his chest, and his own arms around Evan's middle as he held him close. Evan was asleep, but that didn't matter. All that mattered was that Connor could hear faint christmas songs from the living room where they'd left Pandora on. He could see snow falling outside the window, and most importantly, he could feel the warmth of love in his heart and Evan's sleeping body against him. A genuine smile made its way on his face. "Merry Christmas, Ev,” He mumbled, admiring him in comfortable quiet, the ambience of gentle music in the background. Adding a soft “I love you," he then pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head. “Thank you so much for letting me smile again.”


End file.
